Why we decided to do a home birth this time around.

Dear Ash,

As I get further in my pregnancy, the fact that we're adding a second child to our family is getting more and more real. I think you're excited too (I know you don't actually understand, but it's still fun). I have you trained to pat my belly and say, "Baby, baby".

Last night, I finally started practicing Hypnobabies. As I've been reading through the book and listening to the first track, I have been thinking a lot about the way I've decided to do this birth.

With you, we went through a birthing center. I loosely followed a program my sister-in-law's midwife put together and sort of practiced the Hypnobabies in preparation for an epidural-free birth. While I love that you were born and wouldn't change anything about it now, Ben and I were not impressed at all with the birthing center and the way they handled both the prenatal care and the birth. We would not go through them again and would not recommend anyone to their facility. I also wished, especially during labor, that I had been more faithful with the diet I had been on and with practicing Hypnobabies.

I left the birthing center sure that for the next pregnancy, I'd be going to a hospital.

But, here I am. Practicing Hypnobabies. Meeting with a midwife, planning on a home birth. Following (much more strictly) the same diet and program I was following before.

I know that a lot of the stuff I am doing, people think it's crazy. Why not just do it in a hospital, get an epidural? This time around (having already given birth once),  I understand why women love epidurals. I know why some think it's crazy to go without one when you don't have to.

I think it's a really personal decision, that comes from your situation, your beliefs, your lifestyle, and what you feel directed to do. I also believe the Lord plays a huge part in how you nurture your children, from the time they are in the womb, continuing through their birth and on throughout the rest of their lives. This includes things like, hospital or at home, epidural or "natural".

For me, I have a low risk pregnancy. Because of that, I know home birth is best for me this time around. I know there are benefits for both baby and mother that come from declining an epidural and other interventions. I also know that low risk pregnancies are less likely to need to receive interventions in the comfort and safety of their own home rather than in a strange hospital.

The biggest factor that has influenced my decision is the midwife I am going through. Her name is Donna and if I hadn't found her (or someone like her), I would be going to a hospital. Even just the first meeting with her, I went from being very nervous about natural birth to completely confident in how this next birth will go. It was night and day from my experience with the birthing center.

Everything about prenatal care, with Donna, is helping prepare for the birth. From what you eat or don't eat to the supplements she has you take and when to different exercises she has you doing, she prepares your body for the easiest, shortest, and most painless birth possible. And during the birth, she helps you create the best atmosphere and is there the entire time, making sure things are going the way they need to, monitoring everything she needs to, and making sure your body is ready for the baby to come out.

For Donna, birth isn't something that happens. She makes it happen. She is so experienced, I know I am in safe hands. We've already had in depth discussions about exactly what will happen during the birth and what roles each person will play, what would constitute a transfer to the hospital, and what would happen if we did transfer. She is so concerned that both Ben and I are involved in the pregnancy and birthing process and always wants to know any concerns or questions we have. One day, she woke up thinking about me and called to make sure I was feeling alright, just because she cares so much.

You just wouldn't get that kind of support from a doctor in a hospital.

I love the feeling of 24 hour support and help that I get from Donna. I love the confidence that comes from knowing if I have a problem any time throughout this process, I can go to her and she will know what to do about it. I love that I can have the kind of birth that I want to have, without needing to worry that a hospital staff member will do something I don't want them to. And I love that there are things that I can do to help the birth go smoothly.

That's why I feel a home birth is best for us, this time around.

Love,
Mom

Christmas for a 1-year-old should be easier than this.

Dear Ash,

We thought this year, Christmas would be easy. You're only one, so it should be easy not to spoil you. I mean, honestly, you love everything. We could wrap up an empty box or plastic cups from the dollar store and you'd think it was the greatest thing ever.

But, you love everything.

You love animals. You love dogs and cats and owls. You love stuffed bears and all the noises animals make.

You love belly buttons. And I mean, love, belly buttons. And other body parts. Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes is one of your favorite songs. You love noses and ears and hair. You love to find eyes especially.

You love music. And dancing. And anything that makes noise.

You love books. You love baby dolls. You love barbies and toy cars and blocks and sunglasses. You love blankets and pillows and puzzle type toys.

You seriously love everything, so it's hard not to just get you everything.

We've already gotten your gifts and wrapped them, plus all the stocking stuffers for your stocking. And I'm so excited for you to open them all!

Now, I just have to wait five more days. And keep myself from buying more toys for you.

Love,
Mom

Real words versus baby words

Dear Ash,

You are currently learning to talk and I've honestly never heard anything more adorable in my life. You are so smart and learn so quickly, but your ability is a step by step process.

Here's how you say words:

Baby: you're spot on, baby

Cat: you always get the at part correct, but you often change the first letter

Dog: doggy or doddy

Owl: wowl or wowt


Wow: wo

Light: ight

What: oowah t

Laptop: daptap

Mole: Bo or bole

Balloon: baoo

Moon: baoo

Daddy: daddy or dad

Bunny: Bububu or buee

Vroom vroom: boom boom boom

I sure feel lucky to get a front seat as you are learning!

Love,
Mom

You turned one!

First birthday: October 17, 2015 

Favorite food: Olives, bread, and sweets 

Favorite toys: Baby doll, balls, anything that makes noise, and books

Words you know: Baby, mommy, daddy, ball, balloon, cat 

Things you love to do: Run away from daddy, shop, play outside, run around with Elizabeth

Temperament: Mostly happy, but can get irritated pretty fast

Things that excite you: Elizabeth, babies, stuffed animals, going downstairs 

People who love you: Everyone. But especially me. 

Happy birthday, baby girl! 

                               

A mother's heart is always full.

Dear Ash,

Today I was holding you in my arms, rocking you before nap time. You sat and grinned up at me, holding my hand with your cute, tiny hand. With your other hand, you kept reaching up and cupping my cheek, then touching my lips and laughing. It was darling and my heart melted.

Today, my heart is full of gratitude.



For you.

For the time I get to spend with you every single day.

For the chance I get to watch you grow and learn and play.


For simply being your mother. I could never have asked for a bigger blessing.



I love you.

Love,
Mom

The Sabbath day for a mom isn't always a restful day.

Dear Ash,

We've been reminded of the importance of the Sabbath day lately and it has gotten me to really think about how I can make the day more meaningful for myself. My seminary teacher once told our class about how he judged how well he kept the Sabbath day holy by how rested he felt afterwards.

If we're judging it by that standard, then I am entirely failing.

It can be a little hard, sometimes. I have to admit that sometimes going to church with you is exhausting (and when I say sometimes, I actually mean every week). Just keeping you entertained and quiet is quite the job. Add that on top of all the other things that mothers do every day and don't get a break from even on Sunday (like, getting ready, getting you ready, making breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks and cleaning up from those, and just taking care of you), Sundays can be harder than other days.

I've been trying really hard, though, to set Sunday apart as a day of rest, one during which I can focus on other, really important things. Here are some of my goals.

I try to do as much as I can to prepare on Saturday. I clean and food prep for any meals I'm going to make. I clip our nails and pack the diaper bag for church. I try really hard to do Sunday's work on Saturday. I'm not perfect at this and it isn't possible to do ALL the work, but that's my goal.

Something else I find really helpful in bringing a different Spirit to the day is simply listening to Sunday music. I start at breakfast and try to keep it going. It makes all the difference sometimes.

I like to use my free time on Sundays to write letters or to study scriptures. This really reminds me that it is a special day, one that I'm setting aside for the Lord. Ben and I always try to spend time relaxing together and now that we're so close to family, it's easy to spend time with them on Sunday evenings as well.

I know that the Sabbath means different things to different people. Sometimes I forget to do something and end up having to do it on Sunday. Sometimes our plans change or I have a bad week. And sometimes, you are more work than others. I know that the most important part of keeping the Sabbath day holy is simply trying.

Try to keep the Savior in our thoughts. Try to make the sacrament meaningful. Try to find ways to show the Lord that you are setting aside the day for him. Everyone does this differently and I am always finding new or different ways to do so. I know that as I am trying, the Lord sees my efforts and appreciates them.

Even when you stand up and shriek during church.

Love,
Mom

What Being a Mother Really Means

Dear Ash,

I remember when I was in high school, I used to think, I can't wait until I grow up so that when I am in the middle of an intense book, I don't have to stop reading to take stupid tests and vacuum classrooms after school. 

I thought I would have MORE time to read. Ha. How naive I was.

I am now doing what I always wanted to be doing. I am a stay-at-home wife and mother. That was my dream. I had contingency plans and what-not, in case I ended up not getting married or being able to have kids, but if I could, this is what I wanted.

I have to admit, it's not exactly how I thought it would be. You see, while I knew this was what I wanted, I hadn't really thought about the little details, what it would actually be like day in and day out. And there are a lot of things I didn't realize about what being a mother actually means.

Being a mother means an endless number of peek a boo games. Every day. All day long.

It means needing haul a child in and out of a hot car anytime you are brave enough to run more than one errand in the same trip.

As a mother, you not only get to change diapers all day long, but you get to wrestle your child simultaneously, because they want their diaper changed even less than you want to change it.

It means reading the same books and singing the same songs and watching the same shows probably a million times. I don't think that's a hyperbole.

Being a mother means yogurt messes every morning and a bath after every meal.

It means going home early from family parties and social functions because, bed time.

As a mom, you get to reach back while driving and hand your child a new toy every time they throw the one they have. Or better yet, tap their cheek to make sure they don't fall asleep because you're driving home too close to nap time.

Sometimes, being a mom means stress and worry and sleep deprivation. It can mean heartache and loneliness and an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. And yet, motherhood also means so much more than all the day in and day out drudgery that sometimes seems to overpower everything else.

Being a mother means watching your baby laugh when you play peek a boo with them, EVERY SINGLE time.

It means hearing your baby screech in delight from the back seat every time you drive in the car.

As a mother, you not only get to teach your child everything about their world, but you also get a front seat as they learn and explore and grow.

It means reading magical books and singing silly songs and looking through a child's eyes again.

Being a mother means making messes and splashing in the bath with your baby (who, by the way, is delighted by both the messes and the splashing).

It means going home early from family parties and social functions to spend precious one-on-one time with your little baby who is growing up too fast.

As a mom, you are on the receiving end of hugs and kisses and snuggles all the time. You get to chase and be chased, laugh at all the ridiculously cute things your child does, and be there with them as they grow up. It's hard and wonderful and magical, all at once.

Because most of the time, being a mom means love and prayers and over flowing gratitude that you get to watch over and protect such a sweet, innocent child. And that, that is probably the best thing in the world.

Love,
Mom