Sometimes Babies Just Cry

Dear Ash,

I have never really been around babies for any real length of time. When we first brought you home from the hospital, you hardly ever cried. You slept all the time and there was almost always someone  holding you. Then the waterworks started coming more often and with more force. I worried I was doing something wrong, being a bad mom. One day, I confided this in Benjamin. He, the oldest of six children, looked at me and said,

"Charly, sometimes babies just cry."

And I know that. I know that babies cry. Sometimes, babies just cry. That's what I keep telling myself, as I try and try to find ways to soothe and help you. Ben and I tell each other, "It's her tummy, she must have air bubbles," or "maybe she's sick," or "She's so tired, she doesn't know what to do." In reality, we have no idea. We think we know what's wrong with you, but we really and truly can't know what it is that's making you cry.

Sometimes babies just cry.

It can be rough, when it's 1:00 in the morning and all I want to do is lie down next to my husband and go to sleep, but can't because you're awake and really mad.  I just wrap you up and try to give you your pacifier and snuggle you to sleep in the rocking chair. What are you mad at? I have no idea.

Sometimes babies just cry.

There are times you put yourself to sleep wonderfully and then other times, you scream cry until I get you out of your crib, because I have now learned the cry that means, I'm not going to calm down, I'm just going to work myself up so much that I'll never fall asleep. And that's when we resort to putting you in the swing, even though doing so makes me so worried that I'm ruining your sleep habits for the rest of your life. But, you know.

Sometimes babies just cry.

This morning, we're blessing you and I'm worried you aren't going to be happy about it. I'm a little worried you're going to be one of those babies who screams during their entire blessing. But I have to remind myself that it's okay.

Sometimes babies just cry. And even when you cry, we love you more than anything.

Love,
Mom