The Best is Yet to Come

Dear Ash,

I think life gets better the older you get.

You woke up at 6:00 this morning. By the time I finished feeding you, went to the bathroom, and pumped the extra milk, it was 7:00 and I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to bed. I was feeling too lazy to really do anything, though, so I just got on my computer. I was scrolling through Facebook and just kept scrolling, getting all the way back to the beginning.

It got me feeling really nostalgic, seeing all my old posts and photos, remembering the relationships I had with people and the fun times. I was really blessed growing up. I had so many people--friends and family--who loved and protected me. I had a pretty fun social life, even though I wasn't the most "popular" kid at school. I just had my group of friends and all the dates I went on helped me meet new people and form fun friendships with them. Each phase of my life was bookmarked by my current "crush" and that was fun to remember too. There were temple nights and drive-home-from-school's with Jon. There were lazy days spent with Jeremy and crazy sluff days with Katelyn. There were lots of laughs and tons of inside jokes. I was very happy--and had every reason to be--when I was younger.

As fun as it all was, though, I would never go back. There were a lot of ups and downs, the normal kind that come with growing up and being a teenager. There are always hard parts of life, in every phase of life. There were things about middle school that were really difficult. There were parts of high school that I hated. There are times, as a young single adult trying to get through college, when it felt like the world was ending. And during all of those phases of life, there were on-top-of-the-world, this-is-the-best-day-of-my-life, I-never-want-this-phase-end moments.

Those phases are now done. I have a lot of good memories to look back on and I can still remember how hard it was sometimes. Now that I'm a little older, though, I keep remembering something that my EFY director told us one year:

He said, essentially, that he were to pick his top ten best moments--the best moments of his entire life--they would have all happened after he was our age. I loved that. You hear all the time, "High school was the best time of my life," or "My college years were the best years of my life!" That's a little depressing, if you think about it. For me, high school wasn't that great. I made some wonderful memories along the way, but I wasn't really sad to leave it behind and I wouldn't ever want to go back. So sitting in that chapel, hearing him tell me that the best was yet to come really gave me hope.

So I want to tell you, wherever you are in your journey when you read this: life just gets better. Enjoy where you are now, but know that the bad parts of life, the hard things, don't last. Just wait. There are moments ahead that will make it all worth it.

Moments like,

Holding your daughter in your arms for the first time.

Sitting in the celestial room, holding hands with the one you love on your wedding day.

Taking your last test in school and knowing you accomplished something.

Seeing your husband play with your baby and your baby give him a huge grin back.

These moments are all yet to come for you, or at least, moments like them. I look around at my life right now and see the good and the bad. It's hard, taking care of an infant while Ben is working full time, going to school, and getting his business going. This is a very busy, tiring stage of life for us. And yet, I can honestly say, I've never been happier. It's a more stable, grown up happy. And I know, Ben and I are just starting out. There are a lot more of those moments ahead for us as well.

Really, the best is yet to come.

Love,
Mom

Our Christmas

Dear Ash,

There are a couple of special experiences we had this Christmas that I wanted to share with you.

On Christmas Eve, we were in Vernal with your daddy's family. Your great great grandma is 104 and in a nursing home in Vernal. They have a tradition of visiting her each Christmas Eve to sing Christmas songs to her. It's a really sweet tradition. 

While we were there visiting her, we took a five generation picture--you, your dad, your grandpa, your great grandpa, and your great great grandma. It is pretty neat that we could do that. 

The last song we sang while we were there was Silent Night. For some reason, standing in that room and singing such a soft, beautiful song, I chocked up. I felt the Spirit so strongly. The love was almost tangible in the room. When your daddy and I were dating, I always worried because he wanted to live in Vernal. At the time, I didn't think there was any way I could live that far from my family. What I didn't understand is, when you get married, you marry into a new family. It would still be hard to live very far from West Jordan, but now it's hard to live away from our family in Vernal as well. 

Christmas morning, after we opened presents with the Anderson's, we drove to West Jordan for the Troff family party. It was snowing like crazy, which is great for Christmas but horrible for driving. It took us an hour longer than normal and some parts were stressful. You slept the entire way, though, and it was so beautiful. Your daddy and I loved the snow on the pine trees and the white sky. It looked like Christmas. We had a lot of fun talking and laughing during the drive. 

Before we opened presents at my grandparent's house, my grandpa shared some things about my great grandma (your other great great grandma) Opal. Her mother and grandmother were members, but no one else in her family or town were and when she married, she married a Lutheran. She taught her boys the gospel, but my grandpa was the only one of them to accept it. She was so dedicated to the church, though, and now I think of our family and the blessings the gospel has brought us, all because of that line of faithful women. It was a very special moment for me, listening to my grandpa talk. 

We were very spoiled this Christmas. We have a lot of people who love us--and we love them. It was a great first Christmas for you, I think. 

Merry Christmas! 

Love, 

Mom

   

My Growing Baby

Dear Ash,

People always say, "Wow, she's so small!"

But then I look at you and think, Man, she's getting big! 

Two months. You are already two months old. Was it really that long ago that you were born? You're about ten pounds now, and 22 inches long. You're pretty low in the percentiles for your age, but to me, you've just grown and grown. You are growing really healthily, though, and you still eat all the time. I don't mind though. When I miss a feeding, because someone is watching you, I actually miss getting the chance to feed you. There's something special about those moments.

I was looking through Facebook pictures of you today. You were so, so small when we brought you home. I can't believe how fast you're growing. It makes me want to cry.

You grin all the time now, I can't get over how cute that is.

You still love being on the floor where you can kick your legs and move your arms without anything getting in the way, but you're starting to like sitting up and walking around. I think that's because your vision is improving. And let me tell you, you love to look around at everything.

You're getting better at tummy time--pretty soon here I think you're going to roll over--but you still hate it. It doesn't take long before you start crying like you're gonna die unless I roll back onto your back.

You love your baths now. You grin and grin at me while you're in the water. Sometimes you'll be fussy, but then I'll set you on the floor in the bathroom and turn on the bath water and instantly, you're happy again. Of course, you hate getting out. I think it's too cold for you, poor baby. We try to get it as warm as possible, but it's hard. And you get really mad.

You're also starting to sleep longer at night. This is a really good thing for mommy. Usually I'll put you down between 8:00 and 8:30. I'll "dreamfeed" you at 10:00, unless you wake up (which, by the way, you usually do). Then you'll sleep until about 3:00 or 3:30. One day, you slept past 4:00! Then you'll sleep again until between 6:30 and 7:30. Of course, this week's been rough, because we've been in Vernal. It's been hard on you. Every night, you sleep worse than the night before. I can't wait till we get home and you sleep well again. I'm sure you feel the same.

Today is Christmas Eve. You're too little to be excited for tomorrow morning, but it won't be long until you understand the magic that comes with Christmas. I hope I can help you understand just how truly special this holiday is, and how special the reason for this holiday is. I know that we'll have lots of fun together in the years to come, doing all our Christmas traditions.

Love, 

Mom

A Christmas Feeling

Dear Ash,

Our house is very peaceful right now.

The sky is overcast, we have candles lit, and Christmas music is playing.

Our little apartment is clean and warm.

You are in your room, sleeping like a good little baby and Daddy and I are sitting together, working on our projects.

Days like today remind me how truly grateful I am for my little family.

Also, you are a beautiful baby. So beautiful

Love, 

Mom

Sometimes Babies Just Cry

Dear Ash,

I have never really been around babies for any real length of time. When we first brought you home from the hospital, you hardly ever cried. You slept all the time and there was almost always someone  holding you. Then the waterworks started coming more often and with more force. I worried I was doing something wrong, being a bad mom. One day, I confided this in Benjamin. He, the oldest of six children, looked at me and said,

"Charly, sometimes babies just cry."

And I know that. I know that babies cry. Sometimes, babies just cry. That's what I keep telling myself, as I try and try to find ways to soothe and help you. Ben and I tell each other, "It's her tummy, she must have air bubbles," or "maybe she's sick," or "She's so tired, she doesn't know what to do." In reality, we have no idea. We think we know what's wrong with you, but we really and truly can't know what it is that's making you cry.

Sometimes babies just cry.

It can be rough, when it's 1:00 in the morning and all I want to do is lie down next to my husband and go to sleep, but can't because you're awake and really mad.  I just wrap you up and try to give you your pacifier and snuggle you to sleep in the rocking chair. What are you mad at? I have no idea.

Sometimes babies just cry.

There are times you put yourself to sleep wonderfully and then other times, you scream cry until I get you out of your crib, because I have now learned the cry that means, I'm not going to calm down, I'm just going to work myself up so much that I'll never fall asleep. And that's when we resort to putting you in the swing, even though doing so makes me so worried that I'm ruining your sleep habits for the rest of your life. But, you know.

Sometimes babies just cry.

This morning, we're blessing you and I'm worried you aren't going to be happy about it. I'm a little worried you're going to be one of those babies who screams during their entire blessing. But I have to remind myself that it's okay.

Sometimes babies just cry. And even when you cry, we love you more than anything.

Love,
Mom

The Life of a Mom

Dear Ash,

The life of a mom can be rough sometimes.

It's already past noon and I haven't gotten anything done.

I haven't showered. I've drank less than 8 ounces of water and I know I haven't eaten enough food (my body is definitely telling me that). I have exactly one load of wet clothes in the washing machine (which is a miracle) and the house is still a disaster. I haven't worked on homework and I haven't worked on Christmas presents.

Let's just say, my to-do list for the day is looking very full.

And what am I doing now? Rocking you with my foot so you'll stay asleep longer than twenty minutes.

I guess, when you have an infant, that's just how life goes sometimes. And everyone knows it's worth. After all, I get to see this cuteness everyday.

Love, 

Mom